Margaret Philbrick

Author. Gardener. Teacher. Planting seeds in hearts.

Author. Gardener. Teacher.

Planting seeds in hearts.
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I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow.   1 Corinthians 3:6
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A Back-to-School Existential Crisis

September 9, 2019 by Margaret Philbrick Leave a Comment

End of School – 2019


Today I turned the page on a fall tradition, school. No one is in school! After decades of teaching writing, or packing my children’s backpacks, or heading off to school myself, I’m sitting at my writing desk sans school. We live in a new city, in the midst of an enormous college campus and with that move I relinquished the routine of going to Chalkboard to buy school supplies, grade papers, start the fall season fresh and clean, learn an abundance of new names and faces. I confess, this is somewhat of an existential crisis that I didn’t anticipate so what is a writer and a teacher to do? Write about it.

This past —ouch! I just said “past” summer, my spiritual reading centered around Thomas Merton. He and Mr. Oswald Chambers have some pretty wise things to say about what to do when one is suffering from a no more back-to-school crisis, or any obstacle that lands in the way of living life “normally” which we all know doesn’t really exist. A better way of describing it would be a disruption in living a productive life within the design that God has given or allowed over a pattern of time, a life we are accustomed to. Chambers says:

“You can see God using some lives, but into your life an obstacle has come and you do not seem to be of any use. Keep paying attention to the Source, and God will either take you around the obstacle or remove it. The river of the Spirit of God overcomes all obstacles.”

“Keep paying attention to the Source.” Since that’s good news and applicable to my current life situation I wanted to capture it in my journal. I turned the page and discovered to my horror, that I’ve arrived at the LAST page of my beautiful journal. If you journal then you know the sick feeling of attachment disorder at the thought of getting a new one. Loving friends gifted me with this journal for Christmas in 2013. Five and a half years of love, loss, answered prayers and  unresolved questions, poems, drawings, book recco’s, quotes, ideas, reflections …all the critically important aspects of life are captured in this volume, soon to be retired. My writing grew tiny, could I make the last page last until at least the end of the year? As Tom Collins, the author of Good to Great says, “confront the brutal facts” —I can’t.

Journals Old and New

So, I resigned myself to cracking open a new journal which seems fitting for stepping into a new season of life. One of my students gave me a grey, leather-bound beauty with gold embossed flowers on the cover. At the time I didn’t know it, but I’ve saved it for this season, this time of uncertainty and new beginnings. When this end of year teacher’s gift came across my desk, I’d never dreamed we’d be living here, or September would arrive without fresh faced students staring at me from behind their desks. When I told my husband of now 30 years about my crisis he simply said, “You are a writer, write.” Okay then, my new journal begins…

“Stay close to the Source and write” followed by this quote from Thomas Merton which compliments what Mr. Chambers says so well,

“The relative perfection which we must attain to in this life if we are to live as sons (and daughters) of God is not the 24 hour a day production of perfect acts of virtue, but a life from which practically all the obstacles to God’s love have been removed or overcome.”

Achievement obstacles, back-to-school expectations, impatience and impertinence that my design for my life isn’t what I expected, “practically all the obstacles…removed or overcome.” When I get to heaven, I’m going to ask Merton what he meant by, “practically all,” but for now, there’s Source-filled works to write with a purifying fire by my side. 

Filed Under: New life, Writing Tagged With: Existential Crisis, journaling, Oswald Chambers, Thomas Merton

What Are You Reading This Summer?

August 5, 2019 by Margaret Philbrick Leave a Comment

During our Fourth of July family time, between nighttime firework explosions of “Opera Man” and “The Japanese Flower” we talked about summer reading. I well remember the days of trotting the kids off to the local library and signing them up for summer reading challenges. Some years we accomplished our goals and others were hijacked by Berenstain Bears who took over our entire list. Ahh, the endless fascination with bratty Sister Bear.

Our oldest son reads widely, often business books about entrepreneurship. Ray Dalio’s book, Principles: Life and Work is his current favorite. Our daughter is into Brene Brown these days, Daring Greatly. She’s a fine speaker, but I haven’t read any of her books. Our youngest son, who is a music major and often on the road is struggling to get into the rhythm of reading (haha, no pun intended) so we dusted off one of our old collections of short stories. How I miss Raymond Carver and John Cheever, but that is one the great truths about books, we can always go back and hear their voices. Those who have left us, remain. My husband tried to read a biography of Bonhoeffer, but he said the writing quality was too poor to stomach so he moved on. Last night he read to me the Bible story of the four lepers from Second Kings. If you don’t ask your spouse or Alexa or significant other to read to you, then ask them. Their voice late at night might sound comforting, settling, relaxing. If you have trouble falling asleep, this is preferable to drugs and works better. Maybe, not Alexa, a cyborg nighttime reader sparks a strangeness that might actually keep you awake.

I read four different genre of books in July, which is a more diverse list than I usually read in a month. My highest recommendation goes to Anthony Doerr for All The Light We Cannot See. I’m late to the party on this book, but the party is STILL going on! Five years later, this book continues to thrill new readers and that is saying something. A number of years ago at Festival of Faith and Writing the lecturer, Brett Lott, presented to us what he called the “perfect” sentence and challenged us to explain why. I remember it was from Richard Brautigan’s Trout Fishing in America, a book I succumbed to reading in college, not by choice. Well, with all respect to Mr. Brautigan, he’s got nothing on Anthony Doerr and the notion of a “perfect” sentence is ridiculous. Nontheless, here is one of my favorite sentences from Doerr’s book which will hopefully entice you to read it:

Behind a fourth floor window on the Rue des Patriarches, a miniature version of her father sits at a miniature workbench in their miniature apartment, just as he does in real life, sanding away at some infinitesimal piece of wood; across the room is a miniature girl, skinny, quick-witted, an open book in her lap; inside her chest pulses something huge, something full of longing, something unafraid.

Recently I culled our library in an attempt to downsize, pulling out about 25 books which makes for a failed effort, but I came upon a book my mother gave my father with the inscription, “A reminder of many happy memories and well lived days. Christmas, 1965.” A touching inscription since they’ve been divorced for 30 years and this suggested a time when they lived happily in love, so I decided to read Old Peninsula Days by Hjalmar R. Holland. This book, published in 1959 took me back to a hungry place in reading where the Last of the Mohicans left me. A place where just eating coffee grounds might satisfy and you dream about fresh oranges because you are starving alongside the characters. What those French missionaries endured settling the Door County Peninsula during the late 1600’s sent chills through me on an 85 degree beach day.

“This must have been at or near Horseshoe Bay. Here they consumed the last of their provisions. Being in November, the air was filled with rain, snow and sleet, and they were unable to make a fire. Utterly discouraged, starved and chilled to the marrow, they decided to return to the village on Sturgeon Creek where they had but one desire, to be warm before they died.”

A friend came over for dinner in June and brought us four books, recommending we read all of them. Why do people think it’s okay to do this? The guilt, the guilt if I don’t read them is real! So, I skimmed three of them, which actually means, mildly skimmed. This is a true confession, but I read AND highlighted, Roadmap to Reconciliation by Brenda Salter McNeil. The subtitle of this book is “Moving Communities into Unity, Wholeness and Justice.” McNeil puts forth real solutions to the divisive place Americans find ourselves today on matters of race, gender, politics, morality. Along with Bryan Stevenson’s Just Mercy everyone should read this book and ideally read them together and discuss them in light of each other.

While walking along Lake Michigan, I came upon one of those little, brightly painted library kiosks that sits out in an earnest person’s front yard. This curious reality of our culture causes me to wonder if they exist on Chicago’s west side? Where are these kiosks coming from and why? Are they in the inner-city? Who oversees the stocking of books? Do people ever return the books? Most often they’re filled with Danielle Steel which is depressing. If these kiosks represent what America is reading then they are a fascinating research study for someone to take on. However, reflecting in the glinting morning sunlight I found Thomas Merton’s No Man Is An Island. I’m still reading this book because it requires about four minutes to soak in one page. I love this book and especially his chapter one on Love. This chapter should be required reading and discussion material for every high school, college student and adult because we’ve all departed from living, let alone even discussing Merton’s ideas. Perhaps, seminary students still read him, I don’t know. One profound thought from that chapter:

“‘Iniquity’ is inequality, injustice, which seeks more for myself than my rights allow and which gives others less than they should receive.”

Merton led me to read the book of Amos because he quoted it frequently and I’ve never read it and dear readers biblical literacy is a real thing. An ancient book, i.e. the Bible, can challenge our thinking and change our hearts. It may even inspire us to make a difference in the lives of another person. Inside those leather covers are some of the greatest narratives ever written. My favorite pithy quote from the prophet Amos:

“A trap doesn’t snap shut unless it is stepped on.”

August brings the distant scent of crisping fall. Leaves are brittling. Last night, I saw darkness by nine p.m. Physical darkness after another breathtaking summer sunset. Yes, the days are lengthening their shadow. In a few short months we’ll be nestled back inside and reading by the fire. Our new home has a gas fireplace which requires the flick of a switch to turn on. This equates to blasphemy for my husband whose nickname is “The Firelord”, but deep down in our hearts we all long for convenient fire. No mess, no paper, no lighter fluid just fire by the lifting of a switch. My dad literally (his literacy comes from spy books, Tom Clancy etc.) keeps a plastic bottle of toxic lighter fluid right next to his burning, actual fire. This is convenient fire, but terrifying. I’m waiting for the call that comes telling me that his house has exploded. He needs a flick the switch gas fireplace to read by more than we do.

Cozy on up to these last days of summer and resolve to read something excellent, then write to me and tell me your recommendations. I just received a text yesterday saying I need to read, We Are Not Ourselves. Anyone read it? What did you think? Enjoy the long days growing shorter and read on.

Filed Under: Reading Tagged With: Anthony Doerr, reading goals, summer beach reads, summer reading

A Mother’s Day Letter to our Children (on the eve of losing their childhood home)

May 8, 2019 by Margaret Philbrick Leave a Comment

Dear kids,

Sorry, but we are packing boxes and probably annoying you with photos of random pieces of art accompanied by, “Do you want this?” May 24th is coming and then we’ll stop.

We bought our little french cottage in February of 1991 and when we took your great-grandmother to see it she said, “Oh what a lovely little bungalow.” We thought it was a mansion and pretended we weren’t insulted. Every room except our bedroom (painted a disgusting shade of dark brown) was light blue so we came out to the suburbs on the weekends for two months, ate Dominoe’s pizza on the patio and fixed it up. Our first Valentine’s Day dinner was spent in an empty new house, eating asparagus pasta salad by candlelight on the floor. We tried to make a fire, but didn’t know how to open the flue. We smoked out the interior and ended up wrapping ourselves in a quilt after opening every door and window to air out. Of course, we drank champagne, but it was cheap champagne, Freixenet, which is actually a Cava.

Your dad and I count it an unbelievable blessing that we raised you on this humble and beautiful corner in a God-fearing town that hasn’t changed much. We still have the same neighbors who adore you after 28 years and ask us about you each time we cross through their Liberty Drive gate. Your “kids club” in the backyard still has the red, white and blue picnic chairs inside the center of that hollowed out trinity of trees. And now it’s time for you to make your own homes without the safety net of this faithful corner. I know a permanent displacement is hard, I still drive and walk by my house on the Fox River where I grew up at least once or twice a year. So, as you grow into life without your pastoral anchor, here’s some intangible truths that you’ve learned for safe keeping in your hearts:

Plant a garden – Two decades of spring have passed with seeds sprouting on windowsills which we hardened off and ultimately planted in your “kids garden.” Getting your hands dirty is a virtue, watching the earth embed into the cracks of your index finger so deeply that you can’t wash it out means that hard work should yield a harvest, but some things will forever be beyond your control. Don’t let those unexpected forces get you down, devilish squirrels and August storms are a part of life and the sun comes out again, a new day is made and fall Kale tastes as good a spring sugar snap peas. 

Dream big, live small – Live where you can hear the floors creak, where you know when each other gets up, goes to bed, flushes the toilet, creeps downstairs in the middle of the night for a glass of water or microwave popcorn. Intimate living where the rhythm of life is shared in the sacredness of the everyday equals closeness. We know Jessie spent nights up late organizing her closet and dancing pique turns across the wood floor, so we called her the “night-stalker.” We know Nathaniel couldn’t stay up long past dinner and always went downstairs to play drums when the dinner table “conversation” became too heated and Caleb constantly stayed awake looking at his globe late into the night wondering, “Where is Afghanistan?” or, “When will I climb Mount Everest?” All of you grew up empowered by your dreams and we shared those dreams close in, with all their sorrows and joys and we will keep doing that even when this home belongs to another family.

Invite others to inhabit your world, share –  Probably more than ten people lived in our home and basement: grad students, our foster daughter, aimless college grads wondering what to do with their lives, those who fell on hard times. With one bathroom upstairs this wasn’t always easy. You sacrificed your precious teenage shower time and if someone who didn’t know better flushed the downstairs toilet during your shower, screams echoed through the walls because somehow flushing the cold water meant you lost the hot, (why? I never figured this out.) You grew up in a family of extroverts so maybe that made sharing our small space easier, but now you all LOVE people. I see a burning compassion in your eyes for the person on the street with nothing. I remember recently eating lunch in an outdoor cafe on Michigan Avenue and a homeless man approached our table, leaned over the canvas barricade and asked one of you for money. You reached into your pocket and gave him everything you had, $20.00, without blinking an eye. Keep living and loving with that kind of fearless abandon and say “yes” to pets. My old friend Ed Homan from the Danada horse barn always said, “You can tell how a man is gonna treat his wife by how he takes care of his animals.” Based upon how your dad has treated our animals, that is true.

Be faithful and find space to take deep breaths – Life gets hard, tax bills increase, pneumonia threatens our Nutcracker ballet performances, cramps shut down our State Cross County meet winning aspirations, flu attempts to overtake our final season in the high school musical pit orchestra, (another evening wrapped up in blankets and gutting it out:), but God is faithful. Keep trusting in Him and his boundless love. You are never alone. His plan for your earthly home may change, but his eternal definition will always stay the same; “Jesus answered him, ‘If a man loves me, he will keep my word. My Father will love him, and we will come to him, and make our home with him.’”John 14:23. Wherever you live, find the space that is your go-to for recharge. A forest preserve, a river, a prairie view from a bridge, a tall sand dune— nothing fancy, but a vista that’s real, set apart, and imprinted on your mind. Breathe in this place and know that home resides there as well.

You are grown up and the world desperately needs your gifts, your light, your spark. No longer do you exist on “blue box” mac-n-cheese. Today, you are literally calling me on the phone asking how to cook ratatouille for a gathering of ten, (say —what?) We’ll keep making home together, but now you’re equipped with everything needed to create your own. Store up in your hearts what you’ve learned on our cozy corner and if you don’t, well, count on me to write it down for you:)

Peace and always, love…

Mom

Nathaniel’s fifth grade Mother’s Day present, a tissue paper covered bottle vase.

p.s. While typing this, our neighbor kids are practicing their marching band competition routine in Nick’s backyard to the BLASTING strains of “God Bless America.” Despite all the swirling, twittering fury that is America today, kids still play baseball in the street and parents do tuck their kids into bed at night. Never lose hope, because this country is your home too.  

Filed Under: Gardening, Gratitude, Home, Hope, Seasons Tagged With: growing up, leaving home, love letter, mother's day, moving

Believing in New Shoots

April 4, 2019 by Margaret Philbrick Leave a Comment

Something new is springing up; we’re moving to a new state, getting to know a new town, rooting into a new community and while it’s exciting there is a bittersweetness. We’ve spent 29 years walking these creaky, oak floors and sharing one shower upstairs, boiling glass baby bottles and drying them overnight on these counters, watching each child come around the upstairs hall corner in footsie pajamas, just a little bit taller with each passing year.

We removed the corkscrew willow tree (which was dying) and put in a gigantic perennial garden marking each plant with an identifying stake. Our kids grew their first tomatoes and basil while the squirrels traversed the fence and ate all our corn. Even in their twenties, our sons climbed to the top of the gigantic Norway Spruce trees and cut out the branches so they could take in the view of our entire town. One summer afternoon, the boys coaxed me up there and what did I see? Nothing but a green canopy. Everything, even the houses and streets disappeared from view, except for the trees. With a mere seventy foot climb my entire perspective changed. All concrete and cars, gone. I’d spent over two decades taking in a myopic, street level view. Little did I know the freedom lying in wait at the top of those trees for those willing to take the risk. I’m thankful for people who push me to reach “further up and further in” and that gets at the heart of what’s hard about digging up roots, it means saying goodbye to the other plants in our garden, our people.

There are a handful who’ve brought out the best in us and sat beside us in our worst. They challenged us to live with meaning and purpose. They gave us their loyalty and love, their already overextended hearts. Our next- door neighbors came over the day we arrived home from the hospital and held and admired each precious new addition to our family. Our pastor and his wife were the first people we called when my husband lost his job. Our wine drinking friends commiserated with us and celebrated teenage trials and triumphs. Our travel buddies loved our daughter and even came to see her dance in her new city with her first dance company, who does that? We’ve laughed until we cried about summer camp experiences, our kids getting lost together and backpacking their way through homesickness and swarms of mosquitos. These are people you actually want to spend your summer vacation time with. Why would we leave them?

The answer lies in trusting the underground work and the above the treeline vista. We’ve lived many springs and we know that the hyacinth and daffodil do not fail. We know that snowdrops bloom the last week of February, regardless of the weather and we hear the first cardinal summoning his mate right around Valentine’s Day each year. We can trust the unseen worker for new friends, a new job, our new place in this world because “He is making all things new.”

I bought a bouquet at Christmas with corkscrew willow branches as an accent. After the amaryllis flowers died I went outside to throw the bouquet away, but noticed that one of the branches generated roots. All that work going on inside the vase as we opened our presents and entertained our guests with Door County Cherry Bounce cocktails. Long after Christmas returned to basement boxes, I planted the new tree in a pot and here on the cusp of spring I own a new tree. A piece of home to carry to our new home. We cut down a corkscrew willow over 25 years ago and now we leave with a new one.  New life, new adventures, new hope in what we may find out there on the lake…

“I have come home at last! This is my real country! I belong here. This is the land I have been looking for all my life, though I never knew it till now…Come further up, come further in!” ― C.S. Lewis, The Last Battle

 

Filed Under: Devotion, Gardening, Gratitude, New life, Seasons

Healing Blossoms in Winter

February 12, 2019 by Margaret Philbrick Leave a Comment

Last weekend I fell on the ice twice. Who didn’t? Despite my trusty Bearpaw boots, the thick layer of fresh powder disguised the ice rink beneath. Slam…Ouch! Move all limbs, check for broken bones, breathe a sigh of relief. I’m walking, but currently find myself holed up inside facing yet another “Winter Storm Warning.” If you live in a place that keeps you screaming at six a.m. “Not another school cancellation!” consider indulging in one of the greatest blessings of winter…fresh flowers.

A rainbow miracle amidst the grey comes to us every year from Hausermann’s Orchid Farm in Addison, Illinois. During late February and the first weekend of March, you can breathe 90 degree humidified air and feast your eyes on blooming phalenopsis extending to the horizon (at least to the six acre under glass horizon.) Periwinkle Vandas, orange Cattleyas, fragrant Miltoniopsis will assault your senses, confuse your internal compass AND give you the groundhog reprieve in only about two hours rather than six weeks. We make pilgrimage to this place every year to relieve our sinuses and restore our marriage. This isn’t an overstatement. One year we faced a significant financial crisis and found a safe place to reestablish our lines of communication in-between those mossy aisles of arcing color. The orchids helped bring healing to our frayed hearts. Here’s Miltoniopsis also known as the pansy orchid. It’s hard to grow without significant humidity, but well worth a try.

With Valentines Day upon us, a gift of flowers may be predictable, but also glorious. My husband gave me one of my most favorite birthday gifts ever last year when he surprised me with a bouquet of fresh flowers delivered on the first Monday of every month—for a year! These arrangements in their clear cellophane wrapping take my breath away each time the doorbell rings. Here’s February’s mix of lisianthus, magnolia leaves, lavender roses, eucalyptus and stocks. Also, this shop flings their excess rose petals on the snowy sidewalk in a startling display of luxury topping frozen slush. Also check out my friend’s gorgeous flowers at Gatherings. She and her husband do literally everything creative with flowers a person could possibly think of, even disguising a basketball backboard with ribbon and fabric and adorning the hoop with a floral crown for a gym wedding reception. They don’t use grocery store flowers which are short lived, they buy direct from the wholesaler. Lisa can also design and deliver a monthly floral arrangement for your beloved if you ask her. Many of us love to play, plan and party with flowers, but she is a true artiste des fleur.

Over the years potting narcissus bulbs at Thanksgiving for Christmas blooms and amaryllis in December to keep blooming through February fills our home with foreshadowings of summer. This holiday amaryllis variety, which I skeptically bought at Home Depot, is one prodigious bloomer. The first stalk of all four flowers opened in January and the next one of four flowers started in February and continues to grace our kitchen window with red-tipped warmth. A sturdy stem of four open flowers brings a peaceful symmetry and unity, but this second stalk actually contained five flowers! Kind of like finding a five leaf clover under a mat of wet, fall leaves.

If you’re looking to jump start your spring gardening with more than seed trays on windowsills then a trip to the Chicago Flower and Garden Show at Navy Pier this March should do the trick. Wander through 21 gardens and demonstrations by local food growers, topiary artists, arborists, hardscape architects, and perennial experts all ready to engage your imagination with grand plans. Be careful about the grand part, start with one manageable area this spring and add to it a bit each year or you’ll find yourself overwhelmed. Remember, more gardens = more flowers = more weeds. 

Even a single stem brings joy and unlike following Marie Kondo’s kamikaze method of tidying up, this one won’t be painful to throw out when it’s life is over, unless it’s from your first Valentine and then you should dry it and keep it forever. When our daughter was born her daddy brought me roses in the hospital and I dried them and saved them in this Valentine box for a special occasion in her life someday. They still look beautiful 24 years later as they wait inside that tissue paper nest!Happy Valentines Day with much love and don’t forget the one who made all this flowering love possible,

“We love because he first loved us” 1st John 4:19

Filed Under: Gardening, Inspiration, Seasons Tagged With: creativity, Everbloom, floral design, gardens, hausermanns, nature, winter blossoms

“It All Goes Back in the Box” for a New Adventure

January 11, 2019 by Margaret Philbrick Leave a Comment

John Ortberg tells this story of playing a board game with his grandma and at the end of the game she waxes poetically about this truth, “It all goes back in the box.”* As our kids returned to their respective post- holiday lives, we sat amidst piles of dry pine needles and a coffee table covered with ornaments and packed up Christmas. We’ve all done it. Gone are those carefree, clueless days when we obliviously trotted back to school while someone else at home put Christmas away. It’s a bummer reality of January, dragging the tree out to the curb and staring at its lost glory, accentuated by all the other forlorn friends waiting for the mulch maker. 

But this is 2019, the year of throwing things out and packing treasures back in the box for a new adventure, we are moving! Yes, we are leaving debt-dripping, tax-crippling Illinois for the pristine Wisconsin lakes. The main reason for this uprooting after 27 years in our french country cottage? The church which we’ve been nourished in for 21 of those years is planting a new church and we get to be a part of it! We’re already investing in flannel shirts and wool skirts, the ones they wear with patterned leggings and heavy tread construction boots. How does one describe this outward bound, earthy look? Our kids are calling our new home 221b Baker street because they say it looks like where Sherlock Holmes and Watson live, and a condo means — no more weeding! 

Most people stare in shock and say, “How can you leave?” as if our corner of the world is paradise found. In many ways this green tree corridor of Dupage County is a paradise of a place to raise kids, but we’re nearly done with that process (you’re never really done), and the parents are longing for a new challenge and the joy of seeing God work in wondrous ways in new lands. There’s a cool pilgrim-explorer ethos about it, leaving the beloved and familiar for unchartered territory. Our hope is that we’ll love the one who’s leading us even more deeply and the people he puts around us with abandon. If we’re lucky we’ll also write some compelling stories, songs, poems and maybe even a mystery in 221b Baker Street. Stay tuned and if you’re dying for a French Country cottage with a red tile roof it goes on the market in March. Happy New Year!

  • Found in John Ortberg’s book, When the Game is Over, It All Goes Back in the Box 

Filed Under: Gratitude, New life Tagged With: Christ Church Madison, church plant, John Ortberg

Choosing Hope

October 30, 2018 by Margaret Philbrick Leave a Comment

The commuter train traveled the usual route on schedule October 18th, until the young man with the devastating smile decided to step in front of it. The whirring of helicopters overhead usually tips us off that it’s happened again. Another person chose to end their life by stepping into the path of an oncoming train. But, this time, this young man grew up in Wheaton and graduated from the same high school class as our oldest son. Why did he do it? 

A week later a memorial continues to grow at the busy intersection. I walked our dog past it yesterday afternoon and took time to study the notes scrawled on the fence in silver and gold Sharpie ink. What can someone say or do in response to such a choice? He had a beautiful girlfriend, a loving family and a three year old son. Laying a bunch of grocery store roses or a CD of his favorite music is a kind gesture, but we all know it’s too late to make a difference.

“Research by Northwestern University professor Ian Savage found that 47 percent of railroad-pedestrian fatalities in the Chicago area were apparent suicides, versus 30 percent nationally. One reason, Savage explained, is simply because the Chicago area has a greater prevalence of tracks and trains. The city is the largest rail hub in North America and is served by all six of the major Class I freight railroads, as well as by Amtrak passenger trains and Metra, one of the nation’s busiest commuter rail networks.” (Chicago Transportation Journal, 2016)

Our home is two blocks from the train tracks so we are painfully aware of this problem. Metra recently launched a suicide prevention effort in keeping with those of other rail dependent cities. Suicide hotlines are posted at stations and personnel are trained in what to look for and what to do if someone is spotted exhibiting the about to jump signs. But this wasn’t enough to save the 25 year old father of the three year old boy. 

Last night, I grabbed a scented candle and drove to the sight to light it and say a prayer for his family. As my husband and I climbed out of the car a woman wrapped in a fleece blanket, face streaked with tears asked us, “Did you know him?” We explained that our son did. She said she was “his girlfriend and the mother of his child” and “was hoping someone would come.” This simple statement tells so much. “Hoping someone would come.” I asked why he did it and she said, “depression and drugs. He wanted help and and tried to get it, but it was hard for him to accept it.” We wrapped our arms around this broken-hearted woman and prayed for her, staring into the frosty blackness illuminated by ground level candlelight. She told us that the Sharpie markers were given to her by the Metra train conductor who encouraged her to make them available so people could write messages. She tried to take their little son to the memorial site, but he didn’t understand.

Waking up in America these days can feel overwhelming to anyone. All the drugs, the political vitriol, the hate bombs, synagogue and school assault rifle slaughters. But the answer is still the same. Be reckless in loving someone today. Stand with them. Make yourself available. Pray and hope, always hope that our little efforts will be multiplied by Him who is “able to do immeasurably more than we can ever ask or imagine.” Ephesians 3:20

There is always hope.

 

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Filed Under: Hope, Inspiration, Suicide

Avoid School Year Stress With Sacred Space

September 11, 2018 by Margaret Philbrick 2 Comments

Last May a friend who recently moved from Texas stopped me after a school concert to ask, “Why is it so crazy where we live? When I lived in Texas it wasn’t like this.” She’s right. It is crazy in our neck of the woods so here are a few strategies to combat that choking, stressed out feeling of back-to-school.

We live in a performance driven Chicago suburb. Here, like many other affluent burbs, parents can drown themselves and their kids in a thousand productive and good activities which will shape their kids’ future. In a single day dozens of “opportunities” float across my computer screen enticing parents to sign up. Everything from knitting clubs, piano lessons, in-home baking classes and the ever expanding list of club sports all of which are beyond the regular after-school offerings. Parents want their beautiful stars and starlets to step forward into the next  arena of dawn until dusk development. In our world, this is what good parents do. They provide experiences for their children which will hopefully capture their hearts and minds, enhancing focus and direction for the future. Overloading schedules can result in burnout with mom or dad in the drivers seat from 3:30 until 7:30. Dinner ends up being an already baked chicken from the grocery store and mac an’ cheese. No veggies, except for mini-carrots (which are packaged in chlorine F.Y.I.). I’ve lived this routine. Our daughter used to eat her dinner in the car on the way home from ballet at 9:00p.m., shower and head up to her room for hours of homework. Not exactly family time.

Another reason why it is so “crazy” here is that we live in America. This is an achievement driven culture that thrives on crossing off the to-do list and winning awards. If we are not doing then we are dying and I’m not talking about death to self. Yes, we are all dying but the doing somehow allows us to disguise the dying part. In our beautiful, green suburban enclave this is keenly felt. Almost every parent I know posts photos of their child’s current accomplishments on Facebook or drives them around on their bumper. “My child is an honor student at Hadley” the sticker reads. What is with those white stick figures that people put on their cars? Mom, Dad, eight children and four pet stickies which scream I AM SO BUSY. If we aren’t doing and now thanks to social media, PROCLAIMING to the world, we must be living dormant worthless lives. How can we stop the suburban spin and get off?

Unknown

I spent summer mornings running or biking in a variety of forest preserves. Along the trail I’d stop. Taking a pause in the middle of my run, and look out at a vista and pray there. Right in our own crazy neighborhood, a quiet, morning beauty. I was running, but also resting. Seeking out spaces without cars, just crickets and birds. Saint James Farm overflows with giant oak trees, pastures, hidden creeks and trails. Along one of these gravel paths lies the Horse and Hound cemetery. Mr. McCormick, the creator of Saint James, loved his animals and laid them to rest amidst etched crosses reflecting an era all but gone in our county. This is a great fencepost legacy to lean into. Loving animals. Creating sacred space. Allowing others to partake and enjoy the bounty. Just a place to thank God for the day we’ve been given and all the people who’ve gone before us to make our lives more beautiful and rich.

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If running isn’t your thing, take a walk and grab a Starbucks. Sit by a fountain with your journal and make a list of all the things you are NOT going to do this fall. Close your eyes and drink in the spray mixed with the waning sun on your face coupled with that burned coffeebean taste of your latte. Resolve to seek quiet, seek beauty, rest in faith. The less we succumb to our external realities the more space we create for cultivating our internal reservoir. Remember to tell your children as they gulp down their mac n’ cheese how and where you found your quiet, holy order today (which hopefully spills over into theirs.) We can resist the crazy culture of overload if we give value to cultivating sacred space and sharing it with those we love. Sacred according to Merriam-Webster means “dedicated or set apart for the service or worship of a diety.” Churches are a blessing, but what other sacred spaces are in your own back yard? Go there this fall and breathe.

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Laughter in Summer

June 11, 2018 by Margaret Philbrick Leave a Comment

Summer should free us up to take deep breaths and engage in some silly fun that we might not have the bandwidth for during other times of the year.  Our dancing daughter is definitely the diva of our family and this article explains how we gave her a sweet scented surprise during her recent yoga class. What might you do this summer to spice up the life of a friend or family member? I’d love to hear your ideas. This article first appeared in the June issue of the Redbud Post magazine.

https://www.redbudwritersguild.com/laughing-with-you-not-at-you/#comment-16174

Yes, this is the victim of my prank described in the article:)

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Why I Care About the Marvel Cinematic Universe

May 8, 2018 by Margaret Philbrick Leave a Comment

It’s easy to say with a cavalier pride in my own erudite literary interests that I have no time for and do not care about the Marvel Cinematic Universe. My typical quest continues to lead me in search of ether writing or reading the next great novel. Right now, I’m reading the Art of the Heist by Myles Connnor. Myles is a convict who is the likely mastermind behind the Gardener Museum Heist, but I digress. My kids begged and dragged me to see the Avengers movie in our basement on DVD, remember Guardians of the Galaxy? I confess to actually staying awake through the entire movie AND spending time thinking about the characters in this movie long after the sequel enticing credits rolled on, and on, and on, and on.  This weekend we are all going to see Infinity Wars. Yes, we are going to pay to see this movie which has now grossed over a billion dollars. I just wrote that sentence, a movie about galactic superheroes has grossed over a billion dollars. Our world is truly desperate for escape on a massive scale.

I’m actually excited to simmer down in my cushy seat at Studio Movie Grill and munch on galaxy nachos while watching the green goblin Gamorrah curse Thanos and fall in love with Starlord, Peter Quill. But their doomed love affair isn’t the main draw, it is GROOT! I wrote this piece for Relevant magazine so everyone could understand, although not necessarily agree with, why Groot is the greatest hero. This sentient, little tree is irresistible even as a teenager which is nearly impossible for that genre of life. How could you not agree? Enjoy the movie, even if you are on your third, fourth or fifth time seeing it and let me know who your favorite superhero is. Leave me a comment and let’s debate the merits of this cultural “marvel.” https://relevantmagazine.com/culture/film/groot-greatest-hero-marvel-cinematic-universe/

 

 

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A Minor: A Novel of Love, Music & Memory
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